Ever feel like you’re stuck in a Star Cinema drama, but instead of a love triangle, it’s your life choices being pulled in three different directions by your family? Yep, that was me, fresh out of college, diploma still warm, and Titas and Titos already lining up with their “kailangan mo gawin ito” pronouncements.
The Struggle is Real: When Everyone Has an Opinion (and None of Them Feel Like Yours)
Listen, I love my family, I do. But sometimes, their advice felt less like sage wisdom and more like they were ordering for me at a turo-turo buffet of life choices. I’m talking:
- Career conundrums: “Anak, mag-doctor ka na lang! Stable ‘yan!” (Never mind that I faint at the sight of blood…like a true probinsyana).
- Love life lectures: “Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend/girlfriend? Don’t be too picky!” (Meanwhile, Tita’s love life is messier than a halo-halo dropped from the second floor).
- Life path pronouncements: “Dapat mag-abroad ka! Mas maraming opportunity!” (As if packing up my life and leaving everyone I love is as easy as ordering a Jollibee delivery).
Don’t get me wrong, I know it all came from a good place, this deep-seated Filipino value of wanting the best for their loved ones. But somewhere between the pancit and the leche flan, I realized something crucial…
Lolo’s Wisdom: Sometimes, the Best Advice is Knowing When to Tune Out
My Lolo, bless his soul, was a man of few words. He wasn’t one for giving unsolicited advice or pushing me down a pre-determined path. But one day, during one of these family “advice-giving extravaganzas”, he pulled me aside.
“Apo,” he said, his voice raspy but kind, “It’s good to listen to your elders. We’ve seen a lot of life. But remember this – our advice comes from our experiences, our fears. What worked for us might not be right for you.”
Mind. Blown. 🤯
The Big Realization: Their Experience, My Life
Lolo’s words were like a siling labuyo in my sinigang – a small addition that packed a powerful punch. He helped me see:
- Experience is subjective: Just because Tita found success in a certain field doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed the same path, especially if my heart’s not in it.
- Fear is a terrible compass: Many older generations grew up with a scarcity mindset. Their advice, while well-intentioned, might be rooted in anxieties that no longer apply in the same way.
- My life, my rules: Ultimately, I’m the one who has to live with the consequences of my decisions, good or bad. So, I might as well make choices that align with my values, passions, and dreams.
Finding My Voice (and Using It): A Step-by-Step Guide to Polite Rebellion
This wasn’t about disrespecting my elders. It was about respecting myself enough to build a life that felt authentically mine. Here’s how I navigated those choppy familial seas:
- Active Listening (and Internal Filtering): I paid attention to what my family had to say. I acknowledged their concerns and expressed gratitude for their care. But internally, I started filtering their advice through the lens of Lolo’s wisdom. Did this advice resonate with me? Or was it based on their fears and experiences?
- Finding My Backbone (Made of Pandesal but Still Strong): This was the hard part. I had to learn to politely but firmly assert my preferences. “Tita, I appreciate the advice, but I’m actually more interested in exploring [insert your own passion here]. I know it’s different, but this is what feels right for me.”
- Open Communication (Because Tampo is Real): Filipino families thrive on closeness, and big life choices can sometimes feel like rejection. I made an effort to communicate my thought process, my dreams, and my reasons behind my choices. It didn’t always lead to agreement, but it helped bridge the understanding gap.
- Owning My Decisions (And My Kamote Moments): Not every decision I made was perfect. There were stumbles, wrong turns, and moments where I ate my words (along with a side of adobo rice). But I made sure to own those mistakes, learn from them, and keep moving forward, knowing that I was the captain of my own ship.
The Sweetest Success: A Life Flavored with Authenticity (and Maybe Some Ube Ice Cream)
Years later, I’m living a life that feels genuinely aligned with who I am. It’s not always perfect, but it’s mine. And the best part? My family, even the ones who initially resisted, have come to embrace my choices and celebrate my successes.
Because ultimately, what they truly wanted for me wasn’t a life dictated by their expectations, but a life filled with genuine happiness and fulfillment. And that, my friends, is a recipe worth fighting for.