Should We Have Waited to Get Married? 🇵🇭

Ever felt like the timing of your marriage threw a wrench in your emigration plans? What if the American Dream clashes with your happily ever after in the Philippines?

Dapat ba di muna kami nagpakasal? Let’s dive into this question that’s been keeping many Filipinos up at night.

The Green Card Gamble and the Marriage Maze

So, you got married, congrats! But now, the in-laws are off to the US, and your husband might be next. Talk about a wedding plot twist! Feeling a bit sad and guilty? Totally normal. You’re not alone in this. Let’s unpack this complicated situation:

• The Waiting Game: Petitioning family members to the US can take years, sometimes decades. It’s like waiting for that next teleserye episode, but with way higher stakes.
• The LDR Dilemma: Long-distance relationships are tough. Add in the pressure of starting over in a new country, and you’ve got a recipe for some serious stress.
• The Financial Factor: You’re doing well in the Philippines, earning good money. Will that translate to the US? Will you have to trade your comfortable life for a constant hustle?

Living the Philippine Dream vs. Chasing the American Dream

You’re right, the Philippines has a lot to offer, especially if you’re financially stable. But that American Dream is a powerful siren song. How do you weigh the pros and cons?

• Quality of Life: Both the Philippines and the US have their perks. In the Philippines, you’ve got family, friends, and a familiar culture. In the US, you might have access to better healthcare, education, and job opportunities.
• Financial Opportunities: Will you be able to maintain your current lifestyle in the US? Factor in the cost of living, healthcare, and potential job changes.
• Emotional Well-being: Don’t underestimate the impact of leaving your support network and starting over in a new place. Homesickness is real, and it can be tough.

5 Tips to Navigate This Tricky Terrain

1. Talk it Out: Honest communication with your husband is key. Discuss your fears, hopes, and expectations. Pretending everything is okay won’t make the problem disappear. It’s like trying to sweep dumi under a rug – it’ll just keep piling up.
2. Research, Research, Research: Don’t rely on hearsay. Dig into the realities of life in the US for Filipinos. Look into visa requirements, job markets, and cost of living in different areas.
3. Plan for Different Scenarios: What if your husband gets petitioned? What if he doesn’t? Having a plan for both possibilities will help you feel more in control. Think of it as having a backup generator during brownout season.
4. Seek Professional Advice: Talking to an immigration lawyer or a financial advisor can give you a clearer picture of your options and potential challenges.
5. Remember Your Priorities: What’s truly important to you and your husband? Is it financial stability, family closeness, or the adventure of a new life? Focusing on your values will guide you to the right decision.

The Long Wait and the Uncertain Future

Waiting for a visa can feel like watching paint dry. It’s slow, tedious, and filled with uncertainty. But it’s important to remember that life doesn’t stop in the meantime.

• Focus on the Now: Don’t put your life on hold while waiting for a potential opportunity. Enjoy your life in the Philippines, nurture your relationship, and continue building your careers.
• Stay Flexible: Life throws curveballs. Be prepared to adjust your plans as needed. Think of it like navigating Manila traffic – you gotta be ready to swerve and take detours!
• Keep the Dream Alive: Just because you’re not in the US right now doesn’t mean you can’t work towards your goals. Continue learning, networking, and exploring opportunities.

So, should you have waited to get married?

There’s no easy answer. Every couple’s situation is unique. What works for your kapitbahay might not work for you. Ultimately, the decision comes down to what’s best for you and your husband, based on your individual circumstances, priorities, and dreams.

Just remember, whether you’re sipping halo-halo in Manila or braving the snow in the US, the most important thing is to build a strong, supportive relationship with your husband. That’s a foundation that will last, no matter where life takes you.