Okay, so the world’s gone loko. We knew something felt off with how 2020 went down, and maybe those zombie movies weren’t so far-fetched after all. Now, you’re staring out the window, and your neighbour’s Tita is walking awfully funny…
Listen up, because this isn’t some telenovela where love conquers all. This is about survival, kapit lang. We need a plan, and we need it now. Let’s break it down, para hindi tayo maging merienda ng mga walking dead:
Level Up Your Skills, Kabayan
Channel your Inner Scout (But Way More Badass)
- Fire Starter, Not Fire Hazard: Remember those camping trips your Lolo used to drag you on? Time to put those fire-starting skills to the test. Forget lighters; learn to use flint and steel. Trust me, nothing beats a crackling fire for cooking and keeping those creepy crawlies (both living and undead) at bay.
- Master of Blades (the Safe Kind): Forget guns, they’re loud and attract unwanted attention. A sturdy knife is your new best friend. Keep it sharp, keep it close. Learn some basic self-defense moves too. This ain’t the time to be mahiyain.
- Flashlight: Your Beacon of Hope: Ditch the fancy phone flashlight. Get yourself a proper, heavy-duty flashlight. And stock up on batteries like your life depends on it, because, well… it kind of does.
Everyday Essentials, Because Even Zombies Need Toiletries
- Hydrate or Die-drate: Water is life. Stock up on bottled water like it’s going out of style. And while you’re at it, learn to purify water too. You never know when your stash will run dry.
- Bread of Life (and Survival): Carbs are king when you’re on the run. Load up on bread, biscuits, crackers – anything with a long shelf life that can fuel your escape from those kamoteng kahoy-hungry hordes.
- First Aid for the Win: Gather those bandages, antiseptic, pain relievers – anything you use regularly. And don’t forget any prescription meds! This isn’t the time to be playing pharmacy roulette.
Your Ride to Freedom (Spoiler Alert: Not a Motorbike)
Vroom Vroom, Zombie Dodging Machine
- Cars: Your Mobile Fortress: Forget what you saw in “The Walking Dead.” Motorbikes are cool and all, but they leave you exposed. A car? Now, that’s protection, storage space, and a potential sleeping haven all rolled into one.
- Learn to Drive, Like, Yesterday! If you can’t drive, find someone who can, and make them your new best friend. Offer them your weight in instant noodles, I don’t know, just get behind the wheel of a working vehicle.
- Pack It Up, Pack It In: Your car is your lifeline. Pack it with everything you need – food, water, extra clothes, weapons, and yes, even entertainment (because even during a zombie apocalypse, a little teleserye binge never hurt).
Supermarket Sweep: Apocalypse Edition
Raiding for Resources, Not for Discounts
- Back Door is the New Front Door: Forget the main entrance, that’s where all the drama (and zombies) are. Find the back entrance, slip in unnoticed, and get ready to loot like a pro.
- Canned Goods are Your New Best Friend: Forget fresh produce; it’s time for canned goods to shine. Tuna, sardines, beans, fruits – stock up on everything with a long shelf life. Pro-tip: Learn to use a can opener that doesn’t require electricity.
- Supermarket Hide and Seek: Supermarkets are labyrinths of possibilities. Learn the layout, identify potential hiding spots (hello, aisle 12, canned goods fortress!), and strategize escape routes. You never know when you’ll need to make a quick getaway.
Strangers: Friend or Foe? (Hint: Mostly Foe)
Trust No One, Especially Not Biters
- Keep Your Distance: Just because someone doesn’t look like a zombie doesn’t mean they’re not infected. Remember those slow-burn zombie movies? Yeah, those. Keep your distance, observe, and trust your gut.
- Better Safe Than Sorry: It’s a harsh reality, but in a zombie apocalypse, kindness can get you killed. Be cautious, be prepared to defend yourself, and don’t let your guard down, even for a second.
- Your Inner Lola Knows Best: Remember all the advice your Lola gave you about talking to strangers? Yeah, amplify that by a thousand. Trust your instincts, be wary of anyone who seems too good to be true, and prioritize your own safety above all else.
Your Mindset: Your Most Powerful Weapon
**Stay Strong, Kapit Lang **
- Hope is Not a Strategy: Optimism is great and all, but it won’t save you from a zombie hoard. You need a plan, you need to be resourceful, and you need to be mentally prepared for anything.
- Resilience is in Our Blood: We Filipinos are known for our resilience, our ability to find joy even in the toughest times. Tap into that inner strength, that bayanihan spirit. We’re in this together, even when we’re apart.
- Keep Fighting, Keep Living: This isn’t the end, it’s just the beginning of a very strange chapter. Don’t give up hope, don’t give in to fear. We’ve survived worse, we can survive this.
This is a fight for survival, but it’s also a fight for our humanity. Remember who you are, remember what you’re fighting for, and remember… there’s always rice cooking somewhere.