You hear it in whispers.
Mga tsismis. Mga bulong.
“Kawawa naman.”
“Ang bigat ng dinadala.”
But behind closed doors, it’s not just chismis, is it?
It’s real. Raw. Terrifying.
You’re living with an abusive father. And the threat isn’t just words anymore.
He’s escalating. Putting everyone in danger.
This isn’t about fixing him. This is about YOU surviving.
Let’s get one thing straight: You are NOT alone. And this is NOT your fault.
Abuse thrives in silence. But breaking that silence? That’s the first step to taking your power back.
Decoding the Danger: What Does Abuse REALLY Look Like?
We’re raised to respect our parents, no matter what. But respect is earned, not demanded through fear.
Abuse isn’t always a black eye or a broken bone. It wears many masks:
- The Sigaw Master: Screaming, yelling, cursing. Making you feel small and worthless.
- The Punisher: Using physical force, threats of violence, or destroying your things.
- The Controller: Isolating you from loved ones, dictating your every move, controlling finances to trap you.
- The Master Manipulator: Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, playing the victim to keep you under his thumb.
Sound familiar? These tactics are about power and control, NOT love.
Why Does He Do It? Unpacking the Abuser’s Mindset
Here’s the hard truth: You can’t love someone into changing their abusive behavior.
It’s NOT your job to fix him.
Often, abusers are fueled by their own demons:
- Unresolved Trauma: Past hurts they project onto others.
- Mental Health Issues: Untreated anger management, personality disorders, or substance abuse.
- Societal Conditioning: Toxic masculinity, patriarchal beliefs that men are entitled to control women and children.
Remember: Understanding his reasons DOESN’T excuse his actions.
Breaking Free: Your Safety is Non-Negotiable
Your instinct might be to protect your family, to keep the peace.
But at what cost?
Your safety, and the safety of your siblings, comes FIRST.
Action Plan:
- Create a Safety Plan: Have a bag packed with essentials (IDs, cash, spare clothes) hidden in a safe place. Know where you’ll go if you need to escape quickly.
- Identify Safe Contacts: Trusted family, friends, teachers, or guidance counselors who you can confide in and who can help.
- Memorize Emergency Numbers: The Philippine National Police hotline is 911. Save local numbers for women’s shelters and support organizations.
Confronting the Storm: Reporting the Abuse
This is a tough one, no sugarcoating it. But staying silent only protects the abuser.
Reporting the abuse is essential, even if it feels terrifying.
Here’s how to navigate this step:
- Document Everything: Dates, times, specific details of the abuse. This strengthens your case if legal action is needed.
- Reach Out to Authorities: Contact the police, DSWD (Department of Social Welfare and Development), or a child protection agency.
- Seek Legal Assistance: Free or low-cost legal aid is available. An experienced lawyer can guide you through protection orders and custody battles.
Healing the Wounds: Your Journey to Recovery
Escaping the abuse is a victory, but the healing takes time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
- Therapy and Counseling: A professional therapist can provide tools to process trauma, manage emotions, and rebuild your self-esteem.
- Support Groups: Connecting with others who understand your pain helps you realize you’re not alone.
- Self-Care is Non-Negotiable: Prioritize your well-being. Engage in activities you love, nurture your passions, and rediscover your voice.
From Victim to Victor: Reclaiming Your Power
Remember the whispers? The “kawawa naman”?
You’re not defined by your abuser or the trauma you’ve endured.
You are strong. You are resilient.
This experience doesn’t have to break you. It can fuel your fire to create a brighter future.
Focus on your healing, your growth, your dreams.
Because you deserve a life filled with love, safety, and joy.